Let’s Stop Stressing Out Over Stress

How stressed are you about feeling stressed? I know that I lost quite a bit of sleep earlier in my life due to chronic stress, with no understanding of how stress works or the tools available to manage it, or even learn from it. I find it’s still a process to manage it, but the important thing is I have a process. And so can you!

Let’s face it: Stress is a normal and inevitable part of life. Yet we often allow it to unduly weigh on us mentally, emotionally, and physically. Chronic stress, in particular, can have severe effects on our overall health and well-being. It is, of course, not possible to remove all stress from our lives. (Some studies have actually found that trying to do so actually makes us more stressed!) But we absolutely can learn to understand stress, work to lessen the negative effects we experience from it, and even harness stress in positive ways.

In fact, researchers have found that how we view stress determines whether and how much we suffer from it. In other words, our perspective on stress has an impact on whether we experience negative physical and mental effects from it, or whether we experience positive, healthy effects instead.

Take, for example, two people who are facing the same type of challenges on their jobs. It has become obvious to them that their jobs do not provide the kinds of satisfaction these two individuals crave and deserve. They are both under enormous stress. But this is where the similarities end. One of these individuals is oppressed and worn-down from the stress of the situation, while the other individual perceives the stress as a signal that it is time to consider meaningful change—whether generating change within his existing job, seeking out another job, or even exploring a different career altogether, one with more potential to bring real satisfaction.

The difference between these two people is mindset. Adopting a positive mindset about stress, embracing it, and working with it, can allow us to experience the opportunity stress provides to effect positive benefits in our performance as well as our mental and physical well-being. It may sound cliché to say “think positive thoughts,” but there really is power (and science) behind the words we use and how they impact the ways in which we think and live.

The point is, we can learn to effectively manage stress by understanding it and even using it to our advantage.

Here are three important elements in understanding how to use stress as a positive force:

First, let’s look at the symptoms. The common physical sensations happening in your body when you experience stress, such as sweaty palms, shallow breathing, racing heart, rise in blood pressure, stomach butterflies, etc., are there for a reason. And that reason is not because you can’t cope or because you are inept, incapable, unskilled, different from others, etc. These symptomatic sensations are physiological and happen to us all. The science behind this, put simply, is that commonly known stress hormones, such as adrenaline, are released by the pituitary gland in the base of your brain revving up your body and producing those unwelcome, but normal (indeed critical) sensations when under stress. These hormones are providing energy in order to perform, and it’s important to understand that this is not a reflection of weakness on your part. Understanding this can allow you to adopt a new, helpful perspective that can actually help you perform even better. For example, perhaps the butterflies in your stomach before that job interview are a sign of excitement vs. nervousness. Or perhaps the stress you experienced after you last disappointment at your job is actually a gift, in that it can provide insight about the optimal future path.

Next, engage with others. Have you ever felt like reaching out to others when under stress? The reason for this is a stress hormone called oxytocin. You’ve likely heard about this one. It is commonly referred to as the “love” hormone. It’s one of the stress hormones that is released at challenging times with the role to counterbalance the racing heart effects of adrenaline. When we physically and socially interact with others, e.g., receiving emotional support, holding hands, hugging, etc., the hypothalamus in our brains produces even more oxytocin, helping to soothe us, allowing for a faster recovery from stress. The more oxytocin we release when under stress, the more positive energy we gain and the more easily we can work through stress to prepare for the task at hand. So, connect with friends. Get in touch with a family member. Engage a colleague. Work with a coach or counselor. Connect with others in times of stress to increase your resilience to it. Our brains were designed with this in mind!

Lastly, gain awareness and choose your response. Does thinking positively about stress really help us use it to our advantage? Absolutely! Neuroscience supports that a practice of thinking positively changes the way our brains are wired. Just as negative thoughts have been wired in your brain, so can positive.

Start by noticing how you respond when feeling stressed. What action did you take? What was the outcome? Here’s how it works:

Think back on a recent stressful event and notice:

(1) what you thought;
(2) how you felt when it occurred;
(3) how you responded; and
(4) the outcome you experienced

Many times, the outcome we experience is a result of the thoughts, feelings, and actions we took as a result of stress.

If you didn’t experience a desirable outcome in the episode you are analyzing, reverse engineer the process a bit by thinking about:

(1) the outcome you would have liked to experience
(2) new thoughts that support that outcome
(3) the feelings that stem from those thoughts; and
(4) actions/response that you plan to take as a result

It may seem corny, but I encourage you to take the time to write it all down and repeat the process every time you deal with challenging situations. When you do this work over time, it will not only change how you think, feel, and respond to stress for the better, it will help improve the outcomes in your life. If the thought of adding one more effortful thing to your days and weeks causes you to hesitate, consider this: how many things do we do each day that that carry the opportunity for such significant health and performance results in our lives? It’s worth the work! For examples and help with this practice, download my Working with Stress workbook. It’s free.

Remember, stress is normal. How you view and respond to it is your choice.

In my coaching practice, I work with clients on these and related issues. Feel free to schedule an initial complimentary session, so we can determine whether the type of coaching I provide can help improve the ways in which you deal with stress, and the quality of your life.